I looked at the parts I was worried about, and my initial impression is that yes, I was being unhelpfully neurotic, and that they're okay for now.

Now I hate to do it, but I'm going to cut some pages that I like, because I need to get to the point and keep the story moving. Sometimes you read over a ms and there's a point where it seems to loosen up suddenly. It's like the storyline took a Valium and you can put your finger on the place where it kicks in.

Was thinking last night that some problems to keep in mind are the huge differences between the first part of the ms, the second part, and the third part. I was going to say the difference is in tone, but I think it's more than that. The voice, the rhythm, the style, and the themes seem different, too. Somehow I'll have to think how to pull them all together. One thing is make sure the theme of the first part continues all through the book. I need to focus on the choices the MC has and doesn't have. I need to not let the story turn into a list of things that happen to her that she can't do anything about.