I don't know if this ms is going to fly as a YA. It's certainly pushing the limits by page 40, and it feels like it's pushing past them by page 56. But I really don't feel I can back off. The whole point is to put this out there without any namby-pamby gloss to make it more palatable. The point is that it's not palatable.

So, well, what can you do? The ms has to be what it needs to be. Too bad for my career, and too bad for the book's chances of publication. This isn't about me, it's about the story. Sometimes I feel like an ace kamikaze pilot.