This sample/audition is giving me a hard time. I think part of the problem is that it's all plotting in the part I'm working on; it's all setting things up. The tension comes from circumstance, not from people. However, the circumstances should make for good reading. I ought to be able to "craft" my way through it, but for some reason it's tough going. My head won't stay with one main idea to get it hammered home before I move on to the next thing. For example, I think, "Okay, here the reader needs to learn X." So I write it out, and then I go back to make it real, to get into the character's head and figure out what she really might be thinking and noticing, step by step. And then somehow, somewhere in there, I keep losing track of the original "reader needs to learn X." What I end up with after an hour or two is something that is unfocused, does not build, and probably doesn't even tell a story since the reader does not learn X.

I need to get a grip. Maybe the thing to do is spend more time checking up on myself as I work, and not delve into the character's head for lengthy periods.